I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
