its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
