There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
