But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
