barbara walters just said penis...
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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