I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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