girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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