Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Randomize
