so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
