I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
