i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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