areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
