i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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