New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
