I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
