you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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