She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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