There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
a search helicopter?!
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
