Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Randomize
