My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
