We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
