I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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