You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
