my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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