I hate all girls vehemently.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
