hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
