a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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