based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
