you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
