dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
