Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
