apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
