Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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