he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i dont even know how to be here
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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