Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
