She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
