Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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