he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
