SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
