I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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