I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
