normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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