im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
