it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
