My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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