Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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