I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
