I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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