Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
