did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
