Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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