you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
