No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
