Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
