Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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